Lone Wolf's Burden
by flipstahhz
Summary: [Incomplete & not edited] Yamato's suffered from a great ordeals that diminished innocence and corrupted his childhood. Shadows lurk within his heart, but he still continues to live battling himself. But he's not willing to give up that easily...
1. Chapter One: The Shadow of Night

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**The Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 1**

_by flipstahhz_

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Dusk was among the plan bedroom that night and everything was dark. A young boy, of seven years, slowly climbed down his bunk bed and carefully reached the floor without making a hint of noise. His feet softly beated against the floor as he peeked on his tiptoes for a view of his younger brother, whom was sleeping peacefully. A small smile crawled upon Yamato as he watched his brother, with his sharp blue eyes, breathing faintly.

" _I love you TK.."_ he whispered, ruffling his younger version's blond hair.

The older boy noticed him shiver slightly so he instantly pulled the blanket over Takeru to keep him warmer.

_Yamato was known to be pretty mature for his age…he was always protecting his brother…_

Suddenly, a loud fierce crash was to be heard following with dangerous shouts and yells.

Matt shook his head then crept to the door to spy on his parents then spoke to himself, "They're at it again…"

Matt had a problem of always waking up in the middle of the night…and on the wrong timings- when his parents were bickering. But this time it was different…even Takeru stirred from the amount of noise their parents had been making. A soft voice made Matt turn around...

"Matt…wash's happening?" TK asked sleepily.

"Go back to sleep Tee," Matt ordered.

"Kay Matt," TK yawned, " Night."

"Night bro and sweet dreams…okay?"

"Ahuh," TK replied quietly.

Matt turned back to the crack in the door staring at his parents with worry.

" IT'S CHRISTMAS SOON! DON'T MAKE THE BOYS GO THROUGH ALL THIS RIGHT NOW. IT'S TOO MUCH FOR THEM," his mother yelled then whispered coarsely, " _Please don't…don't turn your back on me._"

"And what if I do?" his father shot back without hesitation.

"You can't their too young for this…" she cried, " And I- I can't take care of them myself…"

It was silent for a while and then his mother burst out, " YOU'RE ALWAYS COMING HOME LATE…SPENDING TIME ON YOUR WORK AND YOU NEVER HAVE TIME FOR YOUR LOVED ONES!"

"Ohhh…what loved ones?" he asked sarcastically, " I don't know why the hll I loved you in the first place!"

The fighting and shouting continued for a very long time, yet Matt stood wide awake…alone in the dark room… Finally, the loud voices calmed down and there was a sudden hard slam of the door. Matt realized that the coast was clear and slowly opened the door, making his way to his mother whom was on her knees staring at the door. Immediately the boy rushed to his mother's side.

"Mom…are you okay?"

"Yes Ya-yam- Yamato," she shook as she wiped the uncontrollable tears falling down from her stressed face, " Come over here Matt."

Without hesitating Matt came closer to his mother with a reassuring gesture, embracing his mother tightly letting her head fall onto his shoulder as she sobbed loudly into her son's shirt.

"Mom…don't worry everything will be okay," Yamato comforted uncertainly.

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	2. Chapter Two: Unknown Goodbyes

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**The Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 2**

_by flipstahhz_

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It was a week after the Ishida's terrible family Christmas. Instead of everything being joyous and happy…everything was rather grim. Everything had went wrong. The memory of Christmas Eve was the first. How Yamato and his hopeful brother were waiting for Santa Claus to arrive. The two fell asleep, right next to their Christmas tree, and were abruptly woken up by their parents fighting yet again.

Matt had the perfect idea what was going to happen this afternoon and wasn't surprised about…he had expected it for quite some time now. His father had forced him to pack his bags while his mother was helping Takeru do the same with his toys and objects. His parents didn't tell them anything that was going to occur. He was certain they were going to move from Highton View Terrace.

As Matt was packing him he was about to put a picture frame into one of his suitcases. He paused and turned the frame around to depict his family portrait that was taken a year ago. It showed himself with a ecstatic grin and he had his arm around his energetic brother who looked as if he were going to jump any second. His parents had their arms around each other lovingly. It was _perfect…_

_but he knew it wouldn't stay like that any longer…_

"Matt are you finished yet?" a feint voice of his mother echoed all the way to his room, from downstairs.

"Coming!" he thrust the photo in his bag and hurried down the steps but with care.

He gazed around him to see that almost all their things were packed and were separated into two different sections. His father gave him a look of observation while his mother stared at him as if she was about to burst out into tears any moment.

"Put your luggage here," Mr. Ishida ordered as he gestured the direction to one of the piles.

"Where are we going? What's happening?" Matt asked as he sensed the dramatic atmosphere around him as he placed his heavy suitcases next to his father's possessions.

"We're going to take different cars to move into our new house," Mrs. Takaishi, his mother, replied, "Matt could you come here for a minute…before we leave, that is."

"Sure," Matt made his way towards his mother as he eyed his younger brother that was gripping some object very hard with hints of curiosity.

Nancy let go of her purse and TK's hand and trapped Matt in a tight embrace, sobbing into his shirt.

Yamato was taken back, he didn't understand what was going on…

"Why are you hugging me Mom? It's not like I'm going to see you in a very long time…you know that!"

"Honey," she sniffed and brushed Matt's dirty blond hair away from his concerned face, "I know…it's just I'm going to miss you on our long trip that's it…I hope you will like Odaiba baby…"

"Yeah," Matt said still appearing confused, "Hey bro, this is for you."

Takeru grinned happily and tugged the dark green hat over his messy hair, "Thanks Matt! And I got you sumfin too!"

TK opened his hand slowly to reveal a harmonica with small engravements on it.

Yamato laughed in reply, "That's what I gave you for your birthday…do you really want to give it back to me?"

"You play good mosic Matt! Anyway, I dunno how to play so I tout you'd wan it," TK giggled as Matt accepted his present and placed it into his pocket.

"We've got to go now Matt," his father interrupted the last time they would see each other again.

Their mother gave Matt one final kiss and each parent held one of their sons on the arm …

_pulling them away from each other…_

"BYE MATTTTT!" Takeru called.

"BYE TK!" yelled Matt back…not knowing that he was going to change greatly from that day.

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	3. Chapter Three: Seeing Takeru Again

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**The Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 3**

_By flipstahhz_

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I sighed quietly.

I was in dad's car and we were going to this stupid and useless camp.

Why?

To see Takeru and have a little family reunion and bonding time.

I mean to tell you the truth it wasn't a bad idea or anything…but I loathed being in the car with my father. It was about three or two years ago I had split up with my loving mother and brother. I was so dumb and ignorant at that time that I wasn't even sure what was going on. I had been deceived…

But it hurt the most how my father didn't tell me the truth about what had been happening.

We had a huge fight when we arrived at our new house in Odaiba. From that day I admit I had become pretty cold and isolated from everyone. I began shutting everyone out and talked it was necessary, when I _had _or was _forced_ to. I had even forgotten how it felt like to be cared and loved or how to show them to anyone.

I learned from that day on to never care or love for anyone…_why?_

Caring and loving caused nothing but pain. You never know when you'd be betrayed or put down…that's the risk of friendship. Trust is one of the main things in friendship…but I was pretty sure that I didn't need any of this when I wasn't involved in any…_boy was I wrong._

I had cried all my tears away. One word to describe how I felt was - numb. I was certain that I had not a single emotion left in my dying soul.

"We're here Yamato. Get out," my father informed gruffly.

My dad had learnt how to cope with how I was, and that's how I liked it. I gave a brief nod and slammed the door as I got out. I made my way to the boot of the vehicle and lifted the heavy luggage, with all of my strength, by myself.

_When you're alone for a long time…you must always learn to be independent instead of seeking one's help and charity._

The car sped away leaving me with all the happy campers saying their farewells to their happy parents and happy family. I noticed a few of my classmates making their way onto the bus.

Taichi Kamiya was there. He wore his goggles on his brown nest of a head as usual. With a cheesy grin he waved to his parents as he got into the bright yellow bus.

Sora Takenouchi was also another person in my class; she gave her mother a swift hug and followed Tai's direction.

I shrugged.

So what? Everyone's got a nice and happy family while I have nothing…I didn't really care. Anyway, caring caused trouble.

I looked down at my feet, but noticed that my runners were covered in snow.

"MATTTT!" a voice called.

I turned around to meet a boy with a familiar green hat on; he immediately hugged my waist. It was Takeru. He let go and still beamed up at me.

I realised it when my mother came walking towards us with a proud grin. Our family had had brief meetings once a year…but a lot had happened this year. Takeru had almost grown a head taller, which was why I didn't know him straight away on my first attempt.

"Matt it's so pleasant to see you son."

My mother tightened me up in her usual embrace and let got while giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I moved my head away as she did so.

"Come on Matt…why don't you hug me like we used to?" she questioned.

I glared then spoke softly but furiously with disapproval in my voice, "Why should I?"

She returned a glance, and in her eyes I could see that I had hurt her.

I didn't care.

"You'd best be off…" she avoided my eyes and looked at Takeru, " TK go on the bus now, I already put your luggage in the bus honey. And you Matt…take care of TK for me. I love you."

I stiffened. I hadn't heard someone say that to me in a long time. Shrugging it off I watched as TK ran into the bus. I dragged my luggage, leaving a trail in the white snow.

"We are departing in two minutes. Make sure everyone is seated within 8:25 and that all luggage is placed in the trailer of the bus," declared a strict voice from some speakers.

If I was going to be late…too bad then. I'd rather be here than stuck in some useless camp with people putting on fake smiles all the time.

Taichi jumped off the bus and walked towards me in a fast pace then held out his hand for me to shake. I hesitantly shook it.

"Hey Matt! There aren't any seats left on the bus so you're probably sitting next to me!" he goofilly spoke, " Everyone's waiting for you…here I'll help."

He snatched the other end of my bag and we quickly made our way to the trailer.

I didn't even have time to say that I didn't need his help.

Taichi was speaking all the way. I only managed to hear that his sister couldn't come because she was ill.

We both made our way to our seat, which was situated at the far back of the bus. He already put a face on that he wanted to sit next to the window. He finally realized that I didn't really care, then became persistent.

The bus was cheerful throughout the way to camp, with the whole bus singing to songs. But Taichi sang the loudest and made me want to punch his head in.

Everyone settled down, but I was still dubious of what I did.

"The camp was cool last year. I never knew that you'd come this year!" said Tai, " I was in shock! But isn't it fantastic? Now I'll get to know you more better."

I grunted and turned my MD on, putting the volume full. I stared blankly at Tai who opened him mouth, but what he said was mute because of the loud music trashing into my ears.

I pulled one side of my earphones away and screamed loudly, "WE'RE HERE! HERE AT CAMP CAN YOU MOVE PLEASE!"

I shrugged, put back my earphone on, and sank deeply into the chair…aware of his fury…_but I didn't care._

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	4. Chapter Four: Forcing a Smile

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**The Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 4**

_By flipstahhz_

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I folded my arms together.

In rage, Taichi pulled the earphones, which continued to play loud music, from my ears.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY! GET OFF THE BUS YAMATO!" he roared, " WE'LL BE LATE!"

"And you think I care?" I shot back.

Seriously, I didn't really care if he had to wait for me to get off. It was his problem. This is what I wanted…and _I wasn't going to move. _It was his turn to understand what I went through everyday. It was his turn to realise that life wasn't perfect. It was his turn to realise not everything was happy and that we don't live in a fairy tale reality.

In pure irritation he pushed me off the seat, leaving me to fall in the floor. Furiously, I pushed him back. His face slammed into the window.

"Matt! Stop it," a small voice interrupted our socializing (a/n aha…socializing…I guess I couldn't help but put that word there)

My fist, which was about to punch Taichi on the jaw, paused. I had suspected that it would have been the camp co-ordinator which would stop me from doing so…but it was _Takeru…my own brother _who was showing me the difference between right and wrong. Shrugging, I snatched my bag and tossed it over my shoulder, stuffed the MD and the earphones (which were now on the floor) in my pockets and followed after the person that shared my blood.

I felt Taichi's startled eyes of confusion following after me, but didn't bother to turn around and ask _'why the hell are you staring at me?' _as I'd love too. Then again, it was best to keep silent…then you would always keep out of trouble.

As I got off the bus, Takeru tugged my arm in excitement.

"What?"

"Can you help my new friend Sora and I build a snowman Matt?" he asked with pleading eyes.

I briefly responded, " Whatever."

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I hated woodwork.

Truthfully, I almost hated everything in this camp. The group of prissy girls, the group of sporties, the dorks/ smartasses and of course not to mention the hypoactive peoples.

I belonged to none.

Takeru tried with all his will to drag me to a table where there were actually people, but I told him I wanted to sit by myself. So luckily, my wish was granted and here I was in a woodwork activity…sitting by myself on a wooden table. So I admit, I was loner. But this is how I wanted the rest of my thrilling camp to go. Very tedious indeed.

My bored eyes darted around the room. Giggles were to be heard from the prissy corner. The normal people were actually making an effort with the splintery wood where a boy called Jyo was helping Takeru_. Or was it Joseph?_ I didn't really know. My eyes traveled to a boy whom had not touched his wood but was typing viciously fast into his laptop. _Who would bring a laptop to camp? _Lastly I gazed at the group with the people whom were crazy over sports. Sora, a girl from my class, which I didn't pay attention to, was the only girl there. A tomboy…the first thing shot in my head. Next to her was the same boy whom stared back with me with a cold stare…his brunette hair flipped over his face and was supported by a stupid head accessory- goggles. I rolled my eyes and tried to fascinate myself over the piece of wood that we were supposed to make photo frames…(or something like that) out of. Don't blame me…it's not my fault if I listen at class. I'm the observer after all. The person who stays in the corner. The person who hates socializing…who hates talking…who thinks life is worthless…okay, I'll shutup now.

I don't even know why I'm talking to myself. After all, talking to myself caused me to be like this. It told me what I should do…and what I shouldn't. For instance - to avoid everyone, to not show my true feelings. And all those pointers were right. Showing your true feelings is always a weakness. What's the use of telling anyone your emotions anyway? After my experiences with my old friends…all they did was laugh…or not believe me or how I truly felt. In annoyance, my pushed my fingers down onto the splintered wood and dragged my hand along it…I could feel the pain…the amounts of splinters slipping into my bare skin. This was nothing to the pain I had felt…_nothing._

Unexpectedly, I let a loud curse come out and immediately the boy that was helping Takeru came up to me.

"Let me see your hand Matt…I'm Takeru's friend, Jyo, he's told me a lot about you. Now let me help."

I turned around so that I couldn't face him.

"Don't be so stubborn. I'm the one in charge here because the teacher left and told me to take this responsibly. If you get hurt, in this case you are, I'll be the one who will be blamed."

Y_eah, it hurts inside, not outside … _I felt like replying.

He grabbed my hands were the splinters had made its way then muttered to me, " This couldn't have possibly be a mistake. There are more than over ten splinters…are you telling me you did this intentionally?"

I shrugged.

"Don't shrug at me," Jyo commented. He acted like a mother, nursing his child…but I wasn't going to be nursed around like some amateur…I've been in more pain than this…I was being a weakling.

"Matt. You're blood from those wounds have seemed to dry so quickly. Why is that?"

For once I responded, " It's not from the splinters…it's from _before."_

"Before? Because they look pretty bad. You could have treated it you know…I advise you put some cream on it and it will surely heal easily."

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled as I stormed out of the woodworks house and swung the door behind me. I met the crystal white snow. The huge amounts sprinkled over my blond hair as I walked north, finding the cabin, which I was to stay in for the night.

"Come back Matt!" I heard TK yell.

I ignored the pleading voice for the first time and walked on.

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"You didn't come back," frowned TK…his eyes filling in tears.

It was only him and I that were in our cabin. The other boys were having snowball fights…freezing their little wits out…while I was smart enough to stay in the heat.

"Can we go out now…pleaseeee Matt?"

"I've told you before…and I'm not going to tell you again," I sighed then said sternly, " You'll get sick."

"So..you don't care if I'll get sick…come on! You promised."

"I don't remember promising," it was strange to even know I had a voice. I rarely spoke out my thoughts…but I couldn't ignore Takeru…as my parents and so-called friends had done to me. He was my brother…and the only person I truly cared for. I'd tried to get it away from my heart…but he was always there. Staring at me with hope in his glimmering eyes. "Okay, I'll got TK."

"This is so cool!"

He had fooled me, once again.

He wasn't sad anymore but in mere joy. I couldn't blame him. Takeru is a good actor and would always get his way…no matter the conditions.

"Then you can hang around with my new friend- Sora!"

I raised my eyebrow, " Someone else? I thought it was only going to be you and I?"

"No Matt! Don't you remember? I told you…!"

"Okay then…but only for fifteen minutes," I sighed.

There was a knock on the door. I slowly got off my bed and opened the door to find a girl with short shoulder length auburn hair and a helmet covering most of it.

"Ohh hi Matt. I'm from your class. I promised you're brother that I'd help him make a snowman…want to come?" she smiled cheerfully.

I frowned. Now I was going to stay with Ms Perfect.

I was about to disapprove but luckily for me Takeru answered my question.

"Yeah! He's coming! Matt's coming!"

"And I thought he wouldn't be…this is new. Though I can accept it." Sora beamed, " I've also found the perfect place to build a snowman!"

Takeru took my hand and we followed the girl to her sacred place where we could build the special snowman. I folded my arms and watched them do the work.

Sora came to halt, noticing that I was doing nothing then spoke to my brother, " Takeru, do you mind getting a carrot from the kitchens for the snowman's nose? I need to talk to your brother, Matt, about something."

Obeying, the little version of me ran off leaving us alone.

"What?" I asked rudely.

"The question is what's with you?" she asked back with anger, " I know you're usually like this at school, but you aren't going to ruin Takeru's Camp. Your brother's a sweet boy and you certainly can learn something from him. Why can't you loosen up and be like other people for once. You can be what you want to be like after this camp…but right now I am..and I WILL make you a real brother like model…or at least a nice person while you're here."

I gaped. No one had ever told me anything like this before. Sure Sora was different…but it was definetly a fact I had to face. I put on a artificial smile.

"Okay I'll try and be normal as you'd put oit, " I informed, " But only here."

If I wanted to make Takeru have fun…I would take risks and try to be friendly.

Not knowing what I was doing, I grabbed a snow ball and thrust it at her face. Before we knew it we were having a snowball fight. A whole bunch of people joined in, including my brother who had just come back. This time I was really smiling.

My first true grin in many years.

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	5. Chapter Five: Heart and Soul

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 5**

_By flipstahhz_

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My eyes stared directly out the window of our cabin. Snow drizzled down the campsite, and I found it more comfortable inside with the fire's heat against my cold skin. Even though Takeru, Sora and I had been out almost half an hour ago constructing a snowman, I was still chilled to the bone.

I glanced at the other people in the cabin.

I never like to refer them as companions, since I didn't want their pity nor friendship.

Izzy was on his computer trying to get some Internet connection. Mimi seemed to be preparing what clothes to wear, for she seemed like she had brought her whole wardrobe with her. Jyou was sitting with Sora and my brother. They all kept on passing swift glances at me; I avoided their looks. While Tai, was…

"It's snowing again…"

I could see his reflection through the glass as he stood beside me, his face pressed against the window with excitement. It was like he was a little kid, not knowing the reality at all.

" The canoe races are canceled," the brunette called to the other remaining people in the cabin. " So let's have toboggan races instead!"

Overjoyed with energetic enthusiasm, he sped out…leaving a freezing breeze to come into our cabin. Takeru bounced after him.

"I'm gunna build the biggest snowman!"

I frowned and shook my head to myself. " Hey, T.K! Be careful! Slow down!"

_It was strange how he could still be so hyper, after he had already made a snowman a while ago…_

I followed after my brother, as my feet crunched into the ice with every single step I took, deciding to stay a couple of paces away from him. Soon, everyone was out of the cabin - even Izzy who I thought would still stay in the stuffy place with his eyes still glued to the computer screen.

"Ahh! Wow! Why didn't I pack my fluffy pink snow boots?"

I rolled my eyes. This Mimi, cheerleader, was irritating. I was fighting the urge to scream in her face and tell her that everything wasn't based on her life and that the world didn't revolve around her. That it revolved around other people as well…

Suddenly, the group let out sighs of awes. I followed their eyes to observe a startling light playing out in the sky. Even though they thought it was pretty and all, a hunch in my stomach told me that everything wasn't close to well.

Green lights appeared in the sky, and then beams of light were aimed for the seven of us. We stood in awe as they sped towards us specifically, as it came closer I automatically shielded Takeru and myself from the blinding light.

Loudly, objects crashed into the snow beside each on of us.

"Everyone, are you all right?" asked Sora's worried voice.

Not knowing that anyone would answer I spoke up with a slight shrug, gesturing to my brother behind the other beings and me scattered in different places. " We're still here."

Absently, I felt for the object in the icy snow and found some strange device…_what was this? …_

Izzy's voice broke into my head, " My guess is some sort of miniature remote digital apparatus."

I gazed back at the object in my head in wonder. _Where did these 'so-called' remotes come from? And why did we each have one? Was this a game or somethin-_

_"_Surf's up!"

A large wave, out of nowhere, suddenly swelled over our heads picking each of us and bringing us down some endless whole. I closed my eyes, as I heard some screams and curses. I didn't really care. If this was death - my fate…then I'll admit to it…

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I opened my eyes and observed that I was in some jungle-like place. Large trees bursted from the ground as leaves cascaded on top of each other cascading a shade over me. I brushed myself as I got off from the filthy ground.

_Where's Takeru? Where am I? Must be an idiotic dream of some sort…_

I paced around, still taking in the humid surrounding with my stern eyes darting everywhere. I felt eyes on me back, and swiftly I turned around. The creature, or the thing wasn't there anymore. Giving a deep sigh, I turned back around to meet a pair of wide eyes on an orange bouncing face with a horn on top of its head…

_What the…_

"Matt!" the thing giggled as it bumped itself towards me.

Hesitantly, I took a step away.

"Greetings, I'm Tsunomon."

I raised my eyebrow, _probably some figment to my imagination…_

"Well," the high pitched voice screeched, " I've heard that you wouldn't speak much…"

"Huh?" I queried as I let a look of confusion escape me.

"Whatya know!" Tsunomon giggled. " You're my partner and we're going to work together to conquer all the evil in the Digiworld!"

This creature was pretty close to a little kid…it kind of reminded me of Takeru in some way_. Perhaps the innocence of it…_

_So, if this thing were like Takeru…it wouldn't hurt to be off my guard for some while…_

"Can I," Tsunomon started shyly, " Can you carry me? It's quite hard, when you have no legs, like you do…ya know?"

I gave a small lopsided smile and picked up the thing into my arms. "So what are you? For a small thing, you pretty weigh a lot of a miniature load."

"I'm a Digimon," it poked it's tongue out then his cheeky face became suddenly serious. " You know Matt, you don't have to hide from me. Truthfully, I know a lot about you than you would expect. I know what happened…but you've got to try and get over it."

Suspicion crawled into me as I glanced down at the Digimon. " Who are you? Who are you to say that?"

"Let's just say, I'm the only one who knows and the secret is safe with me," Tsunomon gave a tiny wink.

I felt my tense body become serene. This thing meant no harm…but if it does know…

"Secret?" I acted a bit dumb. " What secret?"

"The secret of how, that happened," the creature's eyes stared directly at the scars situated on my hands and on other parts of my fragile body. "And that."

I gazed down to see that his horn on his head was now motioning to my heart as he mimicked _'emotionally.'_

"We are linked Matt, I know all you're problems since you were born."

I frowned.

This creature knew more about me, than I knew about myself. _How did he? And why do I believe him when I'm not even sure and have no core evidence? _Weary questions filled my head.

"Matt! Look at…look at my new fwen!"

A young boy with blond hair started running towards me with a pink thing bouncing after him. " His name is Tokomon!"

My guard came back, and my feelings were suddenly shielded behind my eyes.

"Be careful TK."

Takeru was presently paying attention to the other supposedly Digimon, embracing it. " Don't worry about Matt, my brother! He's like that sometimes."

I rolled my eyes, with Tsunomon still being carried.

"Matt, wait up!"

"We're going to find the others."

"Awww…but Matt I want to play!" TK pleaded with his blue pouting eyes.

"No TK, " I responded firmly.

"You're so unfair!" he exclaimed as he carried Tokomon in his arms, I could hear his footsteps running after me.

" You shouldn't be really hard on him, Matt," whispered Tsunomon to me so I could only hear. " He's only a boy."

_And so am I…_

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After a while, my brother and I met up with the rest of the group and found ourselves into a huge lot of trouble with Shellmon, and luckily for us we escaped from the monster. It was already likely, that Taichi was leader since he was directed and telling us what to do most of the time.

Altogether this group was _harmless_…

And loosening up wouldn't be too bad, since I hadn't done it in a long time and since Sora swore me to promise her not to make everyone else's' lives crap…well not exactly in those words, but close enough. It also felt strange, being one of the group. I had forgotten how it was like…socializing and everything. Working as a team, it was much easier to do tasks as I had expected. We worked together and could do anything. Though I had to admit that it was really weird…weird how everyone reacted to specific things and how you could hear what everyone else had to say.

After blocking myself from everyone and not letting anyone else in, talking didn't seem that bad at this time. I had forgotten how it was like to have a good time, I had forgotten what it was like to be with many people…Being away from companions and humans something I was used to since I was young, but I had changed…for when I was in trouble, they weren't by my side to support me. I always would never forget the time when they let me fall…and cared for nothing but themselves. Maybe that was why I had changed so much…but it wasn't only that that troubled me.

This group _seemed_ different…

Yet I wasn't going to take any risks and let my guard down that easily.

We now all accepted and came to a conclusion that we were far away from our home and were here for some specific reason. Even the genius of our group admitted it…but it was quite obvious anyhow.

Hours had passed, with our Digimon fighting for us…though I could feel guilt swell in my stomach since we could do nothing to help them…only shout with support. Then another fight had come to us, all our Digimon had become weak…but since Taichi had fed Agumon he was able to digivolve, this new process making these creatures rather stronger, and defeated the enemy instantly.

Occasionally, I felt Taichi glare at me…supposedly thinking I was against him or a threat. Even though I 'so-called' loosened up, I was _never_ going to show my emotions to anyone. I noticed that sometimes someone would whisper comments about me, behind my back, but they weren't offensive or anything…it was just that I found it real annoying since I was a couple of steps away and how I had sharp hearing. It was also irritating how Tai kept on acting like the 'hero' and it seemed like he was thinking that the world revolved around him. Maybe I was thinking wrong…but truthfully, I really didn't care. If he thinks I'm some jerk, let it be…he can think whatever…

The grip in my hand tensed up.

"What's wrong TK? Are you tired?" I asked.

"No," he smiled cheerily though I could tell he was lying.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm just happy I'm here with you Matt!"

I gave a weak smile. "Same."

It scared me how we were brothers, not that I loathed it or anything. It just scared me how different we really were from each other. His personality was so bright and happy, while on the other hand I felt like the complete opposite to him.

Soon enough, we'd finally found a place to camp for the night. There was a mysterious lake and some trolley car, where we could sleep. Though the accommodation was not the best, it was much better than nothing.

Agumon lit up a fire for us to roast some fish. And Tai was in an idiotic state, for he was using his own fingers in roasting the fish…

Nodding my head I spoke to the brunette next to me. " You're about to lose your fingers. Why don't you use a stick?"

"Thanks."

Gratitude was something I didn't expect, but with a grudge I pulled off the fish from the stick and began to munch away.

Taichi went off and talked with Sora, I was pretty sure they were talking about me since I could tell the way in which they both exaggerated my name.

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I was in a bad mood…I hated being in arguments; this was why I hated in being in a group. Arguments and fights always seemed to come…

" No, you're too young and you need your rest!" I shot back to my brother who was forcing me to my limits for he wanted to stand guard…while I was here, I was definitely going to make sure he wasn't. It was probably best if I stayed awake and guarded him instead of my younger brother guarding me.

Then Mimi began to complain how it was cold…making Tai began with a lame joke…

" Hey Gabumon! Watch it, Mimi may sneak up on you and steal your fur! So if you feel a little tug, it might be her about to cut your tail off!"

" Stop, Tai! That's not funny!"

Instantly, Taichi made a grab for my friend's fur coat and wrapped it around himself mockingly. Enough was enough; he had gone too far. Why was he forcing it?

"Quit it!" I growled.

"Ooh! What are you bugging about?"

He was so immature. Was he still thinking that we were brought to this place because it was a game of some sort? Why couldn't he take it seriously and know that it wasn't time for playing around while we could be actually be thinking of strategies to get us out of this insanely bizarre world.

"Gabumon told you to stop! So knock it off!"

"Hey, you can't tell me what to do!" he still objected.

Tai grabbed my shirt and I grabbed his too, my cold eyes were blazing in fury.

"You guys!" Takeru cried. " Stop fighting!"

Listening to my brother, I let go of his shirt with my arms crossed. I let my anger take the best out of me. Great, now I was showing my brother what to do when he got angry…it was more like I was learning from him, than I was teaching him.

It turned out that I was on guard straight after Tai for our idiotic bicker. We were all now settled in the trolley car, or what ever it was, trying to sleep. It was hard with everyone talking the whole time…or in the other hand how Mimi kept on whining.

I was cold.

Though I was used to it

Even though Gabumon was next to me, with his fur coat…it wasn't doing anything. I regretted how I wore a sleeveless turtleneck. But then again it wasn't my fault since I didn't know what was going to happen…I turned over to my side and got a glimpse of Takeru without no blanket but Patamon, resting near him.

"Gabumon?"

"Yeah?"

"Go over and lay down with my brother," I ordered.

"Why, Matt?" my fur coated friend asked.

I already knew that he had known my answer, but I still lied anyway. " Because your fur's making me sweat. Now, go!"

"Because you want to keep T.K warm."

"Hey! I didn't say that!"

"You just don't want to admit it," he sneered cheekily.

"Whatever," I had enough of these tiny fights.

I made sure that Gabumon curled himself around Takeru until I heard that my brother had said thanks to me. I turned around, to avoid everyone's stares. Even though I was freezing, I didn't really care. At least I knew that someone else was warm.

Minutes later, everyone seemed to be asleep.

I quietly exited the snoring zone and walked out into the colder fresh air of night. The full moon shone gloomily in the deep colored sky. I always liked the night; it concealed many things and made me feel comfortable in some way. I leaned back on a tree and absorbed the silence around me. It wasn't complete dark, for I could see Taichi still on guard with Agumon through the flaming fire far away, across the water.

My fingers dug in my pockets for warmth. My hand, placed in the right pocket of my pants, felt something hard. I pulled it out.

My harmonica…

Wherever I went, I always made sure I brought this small instrument with me. Even though it was small, it still could produce quit an exotic tune. I couldn't believe that I had almost been unable to recall placing this unique object in it.

I closed my eyes.

I felt the breeze steer by me as my lips crawled onto the object playing a mysterious tune. It was a song from my heart, a song how I felt presently - confused. I proceeded, with the rhythm now going into some technical note. Then someone broke my concentration…

" Huh? Who's there?" called Tai, then his eyes narrowed as they rested on me, "Oh, Matt. Don't you think I can handle this?"

"I... couldn't sleep," my head thrusted for the correct answer.

" Oh? And why not?"

He didn't need to know…why couldn't he just mind his own business for once…

" Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to get so mad. It's just being here, and having to watch T.K..." the wrong words came out. Maybe I just wanted to get over this settlement with Tai and start all over.

" Do you guys even live in the same house?" he queried.

_What was it with him and these questions? Where did he come up with all of them?_

" Not anymore. We're half brothers, " I lied, "And we don't get to see each other much."

I couldn't tell the whole truth to a rival who was suddenly changing and trying to act nice…he was evidently hiding something from me as well.

"Well, that explains a lot."

Suddenly, there was a longing for me to be alone. I didn't want to waste sometime with a guy who was making a jeer out of everything I said or thought. I avoided him. I felt the cold object press against my lips as I began to play a sorrowful, yet a furious tune.

"What a wonderful sound…"

His raspy, but friendly, voice took me back. Gabumon was so sneaky. I stopped blowing into the instrument.

"Don't stop, Matt. I didn't intend to," Gabumon spoke up again.

I gave a deep sigh, then continued. I didn't feel like talking that moment…most of my words came out of the music I was playing anyway…

" Watch out for the fire sparks!"

Tai again…

_What did he want?_

Gabumon and I looked across the water to notice the ground, which Tai and Agumon are situated onto, shaking vigorously.

"HEY!" Tai yelled.

Some wave begins to form in the water around them and from the wave emerges the huge yellow head of a green sea monster.

Tai and Agumon's stood next to each other in wonder. A sea monster towered over the beach.

"Oh no! Seadramon," Tentomon cried.

From what I could see and hear, the others were now awake in frightened awe. 'Seadramon' then raced through the water and began to take the land with it.

Gabumon and I helplessly watched as Tai, Agumon and the rest of the crew are pulled along behind Seadramon.

Matt and Gabumon watch as Tai, Agumon, the others and the trolley are pulled along behind Seadramon. The creature unexpectedly whipped its tail, causing Tai, Izzy, Agumon and Tentomon to fall on the ground.

"We're going to crash into the shore!" Jyo exclaimed in terror.

Before I knew it, I saw my brother's body being tossed into the air and landing into the watery surface of the lake.

"TK!"

Unaware of my actions, I dived into the freezing liquid as I swam towards Takeru. I didn't need to turn around, for I already knew Gabumon wasn't far behind…_following me._

I could hear the rest of the Digimon trying to tackle down Seadramon with their weak attacks. Somehow, Agumon still wasn't able to Digivolve and destroy that monster yet… They were giving me time to find Takeru…I wasn't going to fail or lose any rare chances.

"TK OVER HERE!" I called as the water cascaded over me, while I was bobbing up and down in search for my brother.

"MATT!" his gurgled scream alerted me. " Be careful! Or the monster will get y- Ahh!"

The water blurred my vision, but I still could see Gomomon dive after my drowning brother. He was safe. I gave a wry grin. Though it was blurred, it was obvious. I could see a splash of blond hair on top of Gomomon and I let out a satisfied sigh as my body relaxed, though my hands were still paddling in the water. I felt the some of the cold liquid absorbing my body escape down my throat…making me choke a bit.

"HURRY UP MATT!" I could hear Tai's voice far away.

" Get out fast, it's Seadramon! He's back!"

Ignoring them, I turned towards Gomomon, who still had Takeru perched in his shoulders. " I'm counting on you Gomomon, you can do it!"

"Right!" he answered back with enthusiasm.

I watched as Gomomon sped back swiftly to shore and knowing my duty, I swam the opposite direction. It was one of my first times I had let someone take care of my brother's life. Maybe it was because this was a life or death situation or it was the basis that I had learnt to finally trust someone.

I waved my arms at Seadramon, " Hey! Over here, you overgrown water lizard!"

I noticed that Gabumon tried to put up a fight for me, but he was tossed somewhere. Looking around helplessly I tried to swim away, then I was pulled like a ragged doll under water. Seadramon's tail was recoiled around me. It lifted me up with such speed that I could barely see anything.

"Oh no!" I heard someone curse.

"Matt hang on!" I could hear TK scream.

I gave a weak smile. Right now, all I wanted to say was _'don't worry'_ to reassure him. For I certainly thought that all was lost. But I wasn't going to give up that easily. In determination, a tried to put my best fight and wriggle myself out of his tail, which was now wrapped tightly around me than it had before.

"GABUMON!" I shouted.

_I need you…I need your help…_

Another strange move from me…I was asking someone for help. It was very weird how a day here had already changed me, making me rather weak and relying on others for my own safety. Or then again…it probably was because I was in a 'near to death' experience.

"Gabumon Digivolve to Garurumon!"

_Garurumon?_

Suddenly, the new creature that used to be Gabumon, appeared beside Seadramon and myself and without hesitation, slashed the digimon's tail, making me crash back into the chilly water. I free-styled myself back to the island and dropped onto it with exhaustion.

"It's all my fault!" sniffed a tiny tone of a voice. "Matt, are you alright?"

I looked up to see Takeru. His similar, yet different, blue eyes were dancing with happiness and regret.

My thoughts were suddenly changed as I dodged the question. " Where's Gabumon?"

Mimi gestured to the two large Digimon quarreling against each other a couple of metres away. Now, I could see them still attacking each other. Then suddenly Garurumon fought an extreme attack that caused Seadramon to fall in defeat. I cracked a grin.

He digivolved back into Gabumon and made his way towards our group.

" You digivolved into Garurumon just in time!" I announced.

" Aw, Gabumon, thanks for saving my brother!" TK exclaimed in thanks.

"Any time, little friend, any time," Gabumon beamed back.

" Matt, you were so awesome against that monster!" TK praised.

I chuckled back, " Matt: You think so?"

Instead of TK replying back, Gabumon responded. " You know, you were the man!"

"And you're the wolf-man!" I shrugged back, not knowing what else to say back.

Everyone laughed. I had forgotten it wasn't only TK, Gabumon and me on the island… I joined in the laughter and couldn't help but notice that I was real close to tears. My motion swiftly became serious again.

I was still trying to find and to get to know about myself. _Who was I really? Was this my true self?_ It had been such a while ago…

"You did a brave thing, back there."

I shifted myself back to reality. It had been a while, since I had dozed off into my own world again. Everyone else had already made it back into the trolley car. Only Tai, Agumon, TK, Gabumon and Patamon still were awake - but they were by the newly lit campfire. But the person who had spoken was Sora.

Not knowing what to say back, I didn't answer at all.

" You should be proud of yourself. Matt, you've changed. I thought you were one of those stuck up jerks. Back at school…but now I, and everyone else here, are getting to know the real you."

"The real me?" I repeated with distaste. "What are you on about?"

"Stop hiding yourself in there," Sora spoke back and walked away.

_Girls…what was with them?_

I found myself walking towards the same tree, where I had played my music before.

"Matt, wait up! I want to come," TK ran after me with his hand tightening around my arm.

"Sure."

We both settled ourselves into a comfortable position, and I dug myself onto the bark of the tree. TK lay down on to me, with his round eyes dazzled at the stars. No matter where you were, it seemed like the stars always followed you.

_Then realization struck me…_

My hands dug into my pant's pockets to reveal my wet harmonica. In procedure, I spilled out the water contents and dried it on the grass because my clothes were still damp from my swim and the fire didn't do any good.

Before I knew it, I found myself absorbed in my own tune making again. I didn't like to be one of those cheap artists that sung words that meant nothing to them or that they had never experienced. I was blowing the tune from my _heart and soul. _And maybe one day, I'd make the lyrics to the mysterious music.

"Ahh, big bro, you're the best."

I hid back a smile, and continued with the flow of rhythm gliding gracefully in the air. And I know, that behind the tree I was leaning on…was Tai.

Perhaps, Taichi Kamiya wasn't a bad guy after all…

_I had put the night to rest._

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	6. Chapter Six: Confusion

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 6**

By _flipstahhz_

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Many things had happened ever since the defeat of Seadramon and many other Digimon that threatened to complete our tasks. Soon after, all our digimon had learned to Digivolve - then we got separated. I ended up a bit sick when I was trying to find TK in the blistering cold, but somehow we had managed to get together with the group in the end.

Throughout the whole time, Tai and I would have numerous bickers…sometimes I found it really frustrating how he couldn't or in other words '_wouldn't' _think before he act…it wasn't a game - the whole group could get killed…and he never thought of life that way. It was a serious matter, and he was taking it for granted - it got on my nerves. Everyone is in danger, and we couldn't just charge into something when we didn't know one single bit about it - besides the fact that we had lots of evil enemies.

But Tai was _one of my friends. _We still got along somehow, in this rivalry way. He was playing leader, but I didn't really care. I only cared when he went way of hand and did the ignorant things.

Then came the time when Tai got sent back to the real world, leaving us - the group - to fend for ourselves. We all ended going different directions, and I was separated from TK once again…by helping a friend Jyo Kido in need …for it was my time to be at his rescue from the restaurant nightmare…but I won't go there. Once we were altogether once again, there was only one person missing - Sora.

Sometimes we need time to ourselves, and I understood that - yet Tai didn't. I probably understood that since I had been alone for quite a very long time. We defeated more Digimon that tried to make us pay, or something like that, yet something in my heart taunted me…and I would just ignore the pain and carry on with the bravest face I could put on for my brother, who had started to notice.

Sora needed to know why she had the crest of love. It was pretty obvious from everyone else's' point of view why she got it, but not from hers. It was the same with me and the crest of 'friendship' … _since when did I be a friend?_

We were reunited, when she finally understood the concept of what love meant. Then we were settled, yet again, with another task, which was way over our heads (more than Izzy's complicated vocabulary). Gennai, this weird old-looking guy, explained to us how Myotismon ( a really evil-as-you-can-get) Digimon was looking for the eighth child…the eighth Digimon. So, as a group, we had to fight our way back to the Real World by passing a gate guarded my stone looking Digimon, but as usual…we won and got to go back to earth.

When the eighth child was revealed, it was Hikari Kamiya all along - Tai's little sister. I guess TK won't be as lonely anymore. A long period of time passed, it looked as if we weren't going to win this battle since every hit did nothing to Myotismon because he kept coming stronger than ever. Izzy solved a prophecy of Tai and myself getting shot by arrows of light and hope and we ended -somehow- defeating him. I asked Izzy, later on, what the hell had happened…but I didn't understand what he was on about and didn't bother to ask again.

From that certain time, we thought all was well…but it was all going to change.

"Mama!" I spun around to see Takeru give my mother an embrace, making my heart wrench in pain to see her again…as well as my father.

Coldly, I stared behind them, not making an effort to look some where else to avoid their eye contact. So this was it. TK would be separated from me once again…

"Oh, TK…I was so afraid I'd never see you again. You must have been terrified, TK," her motherly tone took place.

If this is how it was to be, I just wanted to leave already. I wasn't ready to say bye to Takeru again…_as well as my mother_. Even though she wasn't there for me, I couldn't help the fact that I cared for her, yet caring caused nothing but pain…_I didn't want to left alone_…

"Nuh-uh! _Matt was with me the whole time!"_

My eyes wavered over to the woman, with my neutral eyes taking over … pretending to stare at the interesting destroyed building behind her.

"Matt…"

_"Hey Mom," _I replied back numbly.

"Come on! Come and see Matt, and Daddy too!" TK exclaims cheerfully.

I could and never would understand Takeru. He was so cheerful over the damn somber times, so oblivious to what was actually happening. So oblivious that we would be torn apart…

"Oh Matt," her kind voice spoke, " I'm so proud of you son…"

I felt like exploding. Since when was she proud of me? Proud because I looked after TK s, since that was the only task I was to do from her point of view? How could she even address me as son when I haven't even lived with her for three years? It was agonizing how she was taking it all so blindly. Then again, she could be hiding everything behind those blue eyes, quite similar to mine…

"Yeah, whatever," I managed to grumble out.

"Don't be like that," she frowned back.

It felt as if she wanted me to be as cheery as Takeru was at that moment. How could I be cheery after all the crap I had gone through and pretend that nothing had happened?

"Nancy? It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

Before I was about to respond to my mother, my father interrupted with his croaky and a hint of drunkenness in his tone. He casually stood a few strides away from me, with his natural blond hair, identical to both Takeru's and mine.

"Yes, it has," Ms. Takaishi backed it up.

It was strange, having this forced tension around us. I had even forgotten that the rest of the other Digidestined were there…it felt as if it was only us - _the once together_ Ishida family.

" It's been a really long time since all four of us were together, huh Matt?" TK's squeaky query broke my thoughts.

Not wanted to keep his hopes down and to think of the impossibility of it ever staying like that I simply answered back with a shrug, "Yeah, I guess so."

Fortunately, for me, the conversation of this sappy family thing was over and we were all absorbed into talking about what was presently occurring at the time. The sky suddenly had images of a familiar place, depicting in numerous patches up high.

" There's something familiar about that mountain," Izzy began speaking his thoughts aloud, "…it looks like Infinity Mountain! That giant continent is actually the Digital World!"

A rainbow beam shot down towards us from the sky, with all our crests' colors. It had to be a sign, we had to follow it… While I was pretty sure that I could hear that Mimi was moaning about not dropping into her pink comfy bed and sleeping for eternity. I guess we could all go for some rest, but I didn't think that was going to happen…

"Back to the Digital World!" TK screamed in pure excitement.

"TK!" Our mother yelled.

"Mom! Oh, I'm sorry we have to leave now that we're finally back together again."

Even though Takeru was trapped in a young child's body, sometimes he thought he would think like a completely another person - someone more mature and older…

"You CAN'T!" Ms. Takaishi yelled a order that wasn't going to work or affect my younger brother, neither myself.

"We have to let them do this. This could be more important than you realise," my father spoke up…I was actually thankful he did so…

I needed my mother to believe this, and I wanted another chance to be with TK on the catching up we needed to do as brothers. I needed this opportunity and I definably wasn't going it to get blown away that easily. TK was my only brother - and one of my true friends as well, who could knock some sense into me once in a while… " The whole world is doomed if we don't do something, Mom! You know we have to go back! We're doing this to protect you!"

"Matt…" she whispered through teary eyes as she screamed hysterically to us as we floated in the rainbow coloured beam as well with my other Digidestined friends, "Matt! TK! Take care of each other!"

That was a first.

TK, taking care of me? That certainly was a first…that thought carried on my mind until we arrived back to the Digiworld as we all watched our parents fade away in the distance…

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As soon as we got back to the world of digital creatures we were already in for many fights with other evil menacing Digimon, that wouldn't just simply get off our backs. It was tiring, but I didn't complain as much as Jyou and Mimi had…with their whining wanting me to blow up in irritation.

Then we faced Puppetmon.

Puppetmon wasn't one of the toughest Digimon that we had fought as a group, it was just one of the trickiest since he had many of them tricks up his sleeve, some tricks were even to control us - which I didn't like one bit.

TK was no where to be found, which left me under again.

Though we were all reunited again, I felt weird and guilty that I couldn't do anything to protect my younger from harm…I felt helpless…

I remember how little Takeru gazed up at me with his sparkling blue eyes, obviously saying that he was big enough to look after himself and that he didn't need me at all. It was as if he knew I would question, " _Are you okay Takeru_?" He could look after himself and I felt as if I was lurking within the group with no absolute purpose. A sinking feeling dragged my heart, and I had an urge to be left alone…

Everyone was now lost in some conversation that I couldn't bother to take place in. Making sure that no one was looking I nudged Gabumon beside me. " Come on, let's go."

Trying to make a silent escape we walked behind the lime coloured bushes.

_If Takeru didn't need me…I'd be best away from the group…I have no place in it, but carrying some dumb crest that is 'friendship'. What's the point of it…Tai's in charge and no one would probably want to listen to my twisted ideas. Twisted ideas about actually thinking things out before charging… when we didn't know what we were putting ourselves into. Maybe being alone wasn't such a bad idea…I'm needed or wanted with them anyway…_

We paced further away and I came to realization that we were already at an edge of some drifting natural lake. I continued to walk along it without hesitation, not even sure where my feet was actually leading me. If I got lost, I didn't care. It was not like I was found…

"Matt, come on! I'm all for exercise, but I'm really not built for long distances. Matt, where are we going?"

My eyes stared hard ahead of me, and didn't look at Gabumon as we proceeded. " Just away…_I need some space._"

Gabumon and I trailed along and aimless path and I dropped by a big tree, leaning against it. I was suddenly speaking my thoughts…even though I was addressing them to Gabumon…it was more like I was talking and fighting to myself…

" You ever felt like a fifth wheel, Gabumon? That's what I feel like. All this time, I thought I had like, a purpose, you know? To look out for my little brother. I thought T.K. wouldn't be able to survive without me watching over him. But suddenly, it's like he's growing up. He doesn't need me anymore. And it's not just him. It's everybody, man. I mean, when I think of Tai and Mimi and Sora and the others, this place has changed them for the better. They're stronger now. It's almost like they've digivolved or something."

" But, you see, the problem is, _I haven't_. I'm still stuck in the same place. I haven't changed a bit," I added in a rather husky voice.

Gabumon chose his words carefully, " You may not see it, Matt, but you've changed a lot. "

I shook my head with a really artificial cold laugh, " Oh, please, Gabumon. Give me a break. I'm the same jerk I always was."

" Hey, come on. "

I was in a state of talking negative things…talking like there was not a speck of happiness in the ill world…

"It'll never happen. Not this way. I finally got it figured out. If I'm ever gonna change, I have to do it on my own. On my own. The others can't help me. "

Our talk was interfered my Cherrymon, whom had been there the whole time.

Great timing.

Even though half the things Cherrymon was speaking and saying that he had turned to the good side, and so on, I didn't believe him. He then lectured me on how Tai was evil, and I took that. Even though I knew it was he thought was on the dark side…I let him take control me into believing it.

"Friendship, loyalty, comrades. Fine sounding words. But that's all they are. Words, delusions. And you're wise enough to see that now. You know that ultimately, the only person you can depend on is yourself. Isn't that right, Matt?"

The three didn't leave me alone, yet in some way…he was correct…

"He's wrong!" exclaimed Gabumon as he turned to look at the expression on my face. " Isn't he?"

"I…I-I don't know," I managed to respond back.

Gabumon still had his eyes on me, " You don't?"

"Alright, then! That's enough moping around for now. Look, kid, stop staring at your shoes. The choice in front of you is simple! If you truly want to change, to reach your full potential, you must defeat Tai. It's either that or be content to live your life following in the shadows of him forever!"

_What a choice. What do I do? Oh, what do I do?_

I glanced down at the crest in my palm and let a snort, " _Ohh that's a laugh. Wouldn't you know that my crest had to be the crest of friendship."_

"Matt, there's one thing he's right about. Whatever you're going to do, do it! You've got to hear what your own conscious is telling you, and not listen to anybody else. Not Tai, or Cherrymon or me. You've got to have faith in yourself, Matt."

"Gabumon, what if I make the wrong decision? "

"I know that whatever it is, it'll be the right one. Because I have faith in you! And whichever path you take, I'll be there with you. You do have a friend. Never forget that! I'll always be there, Matt, no matter what."

" You mean that Gabumon…thanks," I gave a tiny truthful smile.

Gabumon digivolved and together we tried to find the rest of the group. Garurumon destroyed a couple of Garbagemon as soon as we got there and we were greeted…

"Matt, you're back!" Sora said enthusiastically.

"Better late than never! Where ya been buddy?" Taichi winked with a goofy face.

Tai and the rest of the group ran towards me, and I let my cold self take over. Garurumon digivolved back to Gabumon and that's when the trouble started. My other 'friends' thought I had gone insane of how I was acting…

"_The problem with you is pretty easy to figure out. You're upset because you wanna be the boss." _Tai announced.

Now that was way off the track, it was weird how I could read whatever played in Taichi Kamiya's mind…yet he never could understand mine. I sneered. " Yeah, like I wanna be boss of this sorry group. If any of you brainiacs wanna take charge, be my guest. I say we should just take care of ourselves."

"Stop fighting, you two!" Sora said in an angered tone. " We've got to stick together!"

"Don't look at me, Matt's the one who started it. He's got a bug up his nose. Huh. I don't have to listen to this. "

I raised my fist mockingly.

If this was my decision, then it was.

If I was the one who would get knocked out, I didn't care. At least one of us would get hurt…

"What's the matter? Are you a chicken?"

"That it's!" yelled Tai as his fist slammed onto me, I didn't wince. That was a sign of utter weakness.

"Matt! I'm gonna tell Matt that you were fighting!"

The familiar voice struck me - TK. I had forgotten he was there all along…I turned to him neutrally, " Sorry TK, I have to do this."

I fought back at Tai. Fists were flying; we were soon rolling on the dirt - where we belonged.

"Both of you, stop it right now!" ordered Jyou, but we didn't take notice of it as our squabbling continued.

"You two are just making things worse!" Sora cried out.

I felt Tai grab my shirt. " I'm only doing this to honour the memory of all the brave digimon that have helped us. They trusted us and believed in our commitment. We can't let them down. "

_Bold words. The words I had expected from him…_

"What if it's a mistake?" I asked bluntly.

Seeking that he was off guard, I punched him. Then our fight was interrupted again. Some person/being took over Hikari's body and was explaining why it was us that was Digidestined and how we were actually selected by our strongest qualities that we had you possessed four years ago. Then they were as a crest for each of us. We now finally understood how we were chosen; yet I still wasn't satisfied.

"Well, Matt, there's no doubt about how we became the Digidestined. We saw it happen," Tai started.

"We sure did," I simply said back.

"So now the entire world is depending on us. And we all have to save it together! How about it, Matt? Are we still a team? "

He held his hand out for a handshake, but I avoided it with my eyes closed as I lowered my head guiltily.

It was TK's turn to speak, "What's wrong?"

"Hey, let's put the past behind us."

I gazed at Tai with a frown, " I know, but you wouldn't understand.

"Sure I would. I say that you and I should let bygones be bygones."

I turned around to the opposite direction. " That's not the problem, Tai. This thing is bigger than either of us. It's not about right or wrong. I have my path and you have yours. And I'm not even sure where this path is going to lead me, but I know I have to find it for myself. But I still believe in all of us. I mean, without any of you, where would I be? This is all just so confusing, and I let it get to me. Ah, that's why we fought. It's important that you guys can count on me, but... I'm going to do this because I have to! Tsunomon will be with me, so I'll be alright. Don't worry, it'll be a lot better this way."

"Matt, if you approach this logically, I'm sure you'll reconsider your decision. Your crest. It's theme is to promote..."

I stopped Izzy from going on, "Friendship, I know. But I haven't been too much of a friend in case you haven't noticed. Maybe it's because I don't know the true meaning of the word, or maybe I've just forgotten. "

"Here's a good idea. Let's break up into two groups instead of one big one," Sora made a worthless effort.

" I'm sorry... but I really need to do this alone. "

"Oh. Well, I believe in you, and I'm not going to stand in your way, " Sora said. She probably was the one that had understood me the most.

" What am I supposed to do without you, Matt? "

I wasn't expecting TK to say that… " You're a big kid now. You can take care of yourself, TK."

"Yeah, but... "

"Don't worry, we'll be here for you. Besides, you know how big brothers are, they need their own space. Everything will be fine," Sora smiled down at my brother, making me feel a tinge bit jealous when TK seemed reassured about staying with them

_So this was it…_

"We'll see ya. Good bye, everyone," I said uncomfortably and uncertainly. I walked away.

_I had left the group for another time, finding myself…was it ever going to happen? Was it ever going to happen that being alone would help me…for it hadn't helped me for the previous years. But this was my decision I had to keep it…_

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	7. Chapter Seven: Being Alone

**(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...**

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**Lone Wolf's Burden**

**CHAPTER 7**

By _flipstahhz_

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I stormed around aimlessly, with Gabumon trailing closely behind me. It was good enough that I had left the group, since none of the people in it cared about me anyway. My group was enough for me. In it, it was just me, that's all there is to it. All I had to do was rely and depend on myself…not on anyone else. Ha! I couldn't believe I almost fell for the trap that they actually liked being around me.

I glanced down at Gabumon. No matter how much I told him that I'd rather be off by myself…he always followed me. And that was a true friend. But I didn't want him to care for me because then all the emotions he'd feel was only pain. After all…all I did was cause trouble to everyone, which is probably why no one went after me when I left the group. _What am I thinking?_ Why did I want them to go after me in the first place? That's good they didn't follow me because then I'd have to deal with more problems and their childish behavior. Even though I'm the same age as them, they will never understand what I've been through…_never…_

Who cares if I possessed the crest of 'friendship'…that word is nothing but useless to me. To everyone in the group, all I am is someone in the way. So that is another reason why I left them. I didn't want to hold them back in achieving some goal of theirs and be a complete burden to them. Someone who just stands there and is not noticed. Someone who they see through…_just like how -_

"Maybe we should go back now..the other's might be - " Gabumon's worried voice intruded my thoughts but paused as he then realized that I wasn't going to pay attention or care less about what the other's thought, I was doing this for their own sakes…since I was always in their way in the first place. I'm not Digidestined…I'm just destined to live a life worth not living. I'm just living a nightmare that I will never wake up from.

I felt so dark and melancholy that it was like the darkness was eating my heart away to oblivion. But my heart…my heart was already cold enough from shutting everyone out from the true me. It was as if every step, which I took, led me to no where but my past. Everything that had happened kept repeating in my head continuously, never leaving me alone. _All I wanted was to be alone_…

Now that TK doesn't need me anymore I have no place in this world. It was like a trigger that set me into losing my sanity in front of everyone…that was probably another reason why I left the group. I didn't want to lose control and physically hurt anyone…just like I almost had hurt Tai. It made me relate to how similar he was to me…how he would have done it without any shame…I hated _him…_but I couldn't…It wasn't Tai. It wasn't TK…it was someone else…someone of my own flesh and blood…

Feeling that my feet were going to collapse any moment, I doubtfully dropped onto the soft fresh grass of the forest. It was already nighttime and you could see patches of the sky and a couple of stars beyond the leaves that draped down from the trees. I hadn't even realized how long we'd be waiting for. Hours must have passed and I hadn't known…I hadn't had the slightest idea where my feet was taking me…I didn't know where I was. And I didn't care…who would want to know where I am anyway?

"Matt?"

I gazed down at my digimon friend. He looked as if he were about to fall asleep because he wavered here and there and his eyes were about to shut tight. I gave a weak smile at Gabumon and forced my knees against my chest looking at the surrounding around the two of us. At least I was comfortable about being in the Digiworld that in the real world…Yet still my questions were not answered…

"Why am I here?" I whispered as I felt and heard the soft breeze rustle against the tall trees. My voice was soft and weak, as if I had to remind myself to breathe…as if I had forgotten how to talk properly and loud. My lips were barely moving, " I don't belong here…I don't deserve this. Everyone seems to know or have a hunch to know why there are here and what they are to do…yet I am the outcast once again. Why did I have to be your partner when someone more alive could have been yours. I'm not worthy of you and I already can feel my sanity slipping away from me. And yet you still follow me…**why?**"

"Yamato," Gabumon said in an equal and steady tone to mine, " Yeah, I admit that you're different from anyone else I've ever known…including the other Digidestined. But that what makes you unique. You're yourself and you're not ashamed to show it…even if you are confused. But even with every decision you make, I will always agree to it."

"Then why can't you agree and just leave me alone?" I questioned, my eyes avoiding his as they were fixed at the ground.

"I can't. And I won't…That is the only decision that I will always disagree with you. I'm never going to leave you…and don't you ever forget that," Gabumon replied.

It was strange how Gabumon was usually ecstatic and happy, and how other times he could be a completely different creature and rather serious and mature. It was also strange how he had been paired up with me, to be my partner when we had absolutely different personalities to each other.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"It's late. I think it's best if we go to sleep and search for the others tomorrow. TK's probably wanting to see you."

I gave a brief wince when he mentioned my brother's name. " No…I don't want to look for them. I still…I still need time…to understand my reason I exist…"

"Matt…you exist because you do. You have your reason, it's just hidden and bottled up inside of you. You'll find it one day, trust me…now, I think you'd better get some rest. We've walked quite and amount today. And maybe we'll go fishing tomorrow for food."

"Alright," I lied. " Night Gabumon, and thanks…again…"

Within seconds, Gabumon had fallen asleep. I let my back give way to lie down against the cool grass. I shivered a bit and lied down in the best position where I'd be the warmest. I stroked my blonde hair away from my face and suddenly caught the sight of my left arm. The scars where still there. There was still dried blood from a week ago in the real world… I then slowly felt myself go into a deep slumber, still having in mind how'd my scar appear in the first place…

**dream/ flashback**

_"Leave me ALONE!" he yelled as he ducked from the other person's fist that had almost hit him._

_"You're useless! And you call yourself a Man!"_

_The drunken figure kicked Yamato on the back that he gagged onto the cement floor. The strong scent of alcohol blended with the strong smell of vomit. The younger boy ran out of a certain room and locked the door behind him with the taunting voice calling after him… " Fine! Run off like a girl! Just like she did when I caught her with the other man!"_

_Yamato's chin quivered as he caught site of the sharp razor. He grasped the item and the blade cut into his skin. Scarlet blood oozed out from the wound as he cried softly…ignoring the loud bangs from the door. It was his ninth cut so far…_

_"It's all YOUR fault! I'm stuck with her spawn that is a senseless brat and a darn sissy who can't even take care of himself!" the roaring voice screamed crazily on the other side of the door._

_Yamato let his back slide against the drawer as he thumped against the tiled floor as he cradled himself. " Everything's going to be fine…everything's going to be fine…."_

_But the sad thing was…it never did…things just got worse and out of the his hands…_

**end of dream/flashback**

"Yamato…wake UP!" growled a familiar voice. " You're bleeding! When I find that person who did this to you I'll tear that person to pieces!"

"Gabumon, is that you?" my eyelids wearily opened in confusion as I could feel the dried tears on my face. I could hardly see anything because my vision was blurred. Realization struck me as I suddenly knew who the voice belonged to… " Garurumon! Why did you Digivolve?"

_The Dream…it was about -_

"Someone made you to bleed! Some filthy scum hurt you! Look! Can't you feel it at all?"

I gave him a look and he nodded his large head to my arms where blood had appeared… I turned to my fingernails and realized that blood dripped from the tips of them.

"Don't worry Gabumon…Digivolve back…I know how did it."

"Are you sure? That person might be dangerous," the Digimon replied in a gruff tone.

"Sure."

Before I knew it, the large animal had turned into a smaller version as I felt Gabumon's worried eyes linger from my straight face to the blood.

"Don't you even care that you're hurt…Matt?"

"I did it…there was no reason for you to…"

"How could you do such a thing! " Gabumon growled, " Why are you hurting yourself…?"

"I didn't know," I said truthfully as I wiped the blood against my black pants. " I think I scratched the old wound when I was sleeping, that's all. I swear. It was just a bad dream…that's all…"

"How'd you get that anyway…"

"It's nothing. No biggy," I lied and walked away and made an excuse to get Gabumon kicked off the subject, " It's only a cut that a got a couple of weeks ago. Let's just go get some breakfast…"

Gabumon stared at me a little longer then came to a decision that he could get no answers out of me…_Sorry Gabumon, I'll tell you 'bout it when I'm ready too…_ Holding back his doubts, he followed me.

About two days later Gabumon couldn't take it anymore…

" Matt are you sure you know where we are going? To me, it seems we've been going round in circles the whole time. Even though I'm sure you're not going to listen to this…can't we just go back with the others? They might really need our help right now…"

"No," I couldn't help but scowl at him.

"Stop being so stubborn."

"I don't care," I said arrogantly.

"Can you at least stop putting that act of how you say that you don't care, when I can see right through that neutral mask of yours? Deep inside your heart I know you care. You care for everyone. But it's only your weakness to show it. You don't have to ashamed."

"Well…my heart left me a long time ago," I cursed as I stomped off…_Why couldn't Gabumon just leave me? Hasn't he had enough of me already?_

"You know that isn't true…"

"Stop it…just leave me alone!" I exclaimed.

"If that's what you really want," he said with evident hurt in his voice. " But I'll be back…I'll leave you for now…"

I felt rather guilty for screaming at him like that. I just I let my emotions take control of me again. That's another reason why I hate showing my emotions…when I show them, trouble always brews. I scowled at my behavior to Gabumon and furiously ran away. That's the only thing I was good at…I hesitated as I saw a rather large cave…but holding it back…I walked into it and sat in the dark. My fingers lunged in my pocket to draw my instrument…but … _it wasn't there…_

In panic I searched all the pockets I had on me…but it wasn't there. _Great…one thing to remind me of TK…and it's not even here…_I groaned.

"Matt?"

"What now Gabumon? I thought you'd be gone by now."

"I couldn't leave you," Gabumon said.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. " About before. I didn't mean to yell at you like that…it's just…I don't know."

"Know what?"

"There's still so many questions I need answered."

"Yamato, you know I'm always here…"

"No. I want to find them out myself…even if it has to kill me," I told him seriously, " I don't even remember who I really am…all I know I'm just some useless guy that wanders everywhere with no reason to exist…I'm just simply living a lie."

"Matt…"

"Like a speck of dust flying around in nothingness. I don't see why I have to live when my soul is already dead," I said dryly as I pulled my knees against my chest, in the familiar position, " I've failed as a brother. TK never needed me anyway…who wouldn't when you he had someone like Tai around? I've never realized the reality that TK's grown a huge lot since the divorce…I've always treated him like a child…but no I know who needs help. It's me. I'm the one who's been acting like a child the whole time…"

"Matt! Stop putting yourself down like that…Sure you have some teenage angst, but you've been a great brother to TK!"

_Yeah right "some" teen angst! Gabumon is the closest creature that's ever gotten close to me…but yet he still will never understand what I've been through…how I've waited for time to heal my wounds internally and externally…but nothing ever works. I might as well just stay here…in the dark where I belong…where no one can see me. It's all the same if I'm in the light…it's better avoiding everyone's leering eyes…Death doesn't seem that bad…then everything will be over…_

I suddenly felt as if I was being plunged into a blistering cold sea…If I was to drown in it, good for me. At least I'll cause no one anymore pain.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness…

"Hey Matt, snap out of it! Come to your senses! Matt, listen!… "

**flashback/ right after the divorce**

_The hard leather belt, was thrust upon me…making me fall upon my knees. I coughed some blood…but it made him laugh hysterically…_

_"DAD! Stop it! I'm sick of you…I'm sick of you doing this…you're hurting yourself by drinking all that stuff! Why can't you stop it, and accept that mom's gone?"_

_"That is none of your business!" he screamed back in distaste._

_"I know why you're doing this!" I cried. " I KNOW!"_

_"WHAT then?"_

_"I don't care if you hurt me…because I understand the pain you're going through…hurt me all you want…but don't abuse yourself! I don't want to lose anyone else…I've already lost TK and Mom! Don't leave me too!"_

_"What the hell are you talking about, bitch?" My father spat down upon me. He then punched me hard on my ribs and stormed away from me…leaving defenseless tears to roll down my face…_

_"Dad…" I whispered. I limped back to my room and drew the razor from under my pillow. " So this is it…this is what I'll do from now on. Whenever he hurts me…I'll accept it…I won't fight back…but I'll cut myself to avoid the pain…so the pain will be focused on my cuts…not on my blood noses, not any of broken fingers, not any of the hard punches…I'll cut deep until it's equal with the pain…"_

**end of flashback**

Suddenly I felt a pain on my leg…as if I had been bitten…

"Gabumon? Ow! What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

" Don't you understand, Matt? You've got to quit comparing yourself to Tai. You're not him. It's like ice cream. He's vanilla, and you're rocky road. But only one of you is T.K.'s real brother, and it's not him."

I almost laughed at his explanation of Tai and I. Even though he was off track of what I was thinking, at least it was some form of the truth. He wasn't ready for it…he wouldn't understand. So I decided to play along with it, but told spills of only half the truth to my furry friend…

"Gabumon?"

"Yes Matt?"

"Thanks," I grinned and gave him a hug after explaining stuff about Takeru, Tai and myself. Though I did admit the truth of actually getting close to only him ever since my family had broken up. " Thanks for listening. Gabumon."

"Any time Matt…_anytime…"_

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